Jacen Cartern

[Jacen Cartern]

Name: Jacen Catern

Age: 160

Designation:

Height: 6'8
Hair Colour: Blonde

Physical Description: Jacenis a very average marine. He has red eyes, and short-cropped blonde hair, which stands in contrast to the black skin of his homeworld.

He is slightly smaller than most Space Marines, but he makes up for it in his strength that comes from practicing three times a day.
Jacen is pretty unremarkable, his only unique features are his hair, eyes, and scars across his right eye and side, mementos from a run in with the infamous Word Bearer Chaos Legion.

Personality: Jacen is a loner by nature. With looks unlike those of his fellow marines of the 4th company and a controversal background, Jacen is usually found alone, and he has no problem with that. He rarely talks, but when he does his worlds show some strategical, religious, or logical value.

Jacen would rather spend his time praying in the sactity of his room rather than hanging out with his battle-brothers in the mess hall. On the battlefield, he works with grim determination, coordinating with his commanders and Battle-Brothers in order to defeat the enemy quickly and efficently. His tendency to "take charge" has irritated his commanders many times. The only person that Jacen is very close to is Chaplain Claudius.

Equipment:

Armour:
Mk. 7 'Imperator' Armour
- Heads-Up Display (HUD)
- Proximity Detection System
- Live-Feed Tactical Pict-Caster
- Orbit Data Feed
- InterSquad Vox link w/ External Address System
- Radiation Shielding
- Anti-Flare/Sound Dampening Autosenses
- Gas/Liquid tight Envrioment Seal
- 24 Hour Air Supply
- Servo-Assisted Load Carrying
- In-Field First-Aid System (Antiseptic/Liquid Painkiller Delivery)
- Waste Reclamation and Hydration System

Gear:
Standard Battle-Brother Equipment
- Personal Dataslate
- Position Marking Vox Beacons
- ChemLights
- Combat Rations
- Armour Repair Cement and Vac-Sealent
- FlexSteel Cord (100 ft) w/ Arrestor Gear and Mag-Grapple
- Grenade Dispenser
* 4x Frag
* 4x Krak
- Ammunition Dispenser
* 12x Pistol magazines or 10x Straight/Sickle magazines or 6x Drum/Duplus magazines


Weapons:
Mk. 5b 'Godwyn' Pattern Bolter
Combat Knife
Frag Grenades
Krak Grenades

History: Jacen hails from the planet of Marinus IV. During an invasion by the Forces of Chaos after a PDF regiment turned traitor, Jacen found himself thrown onto the frontline. As the PDF was quickly demolished and pushed back to the captial, Jacen, only 14 then, picked up a dead guardsmen's lasgun and helped defend his home from the forces of Chaos. Just as all hope seemed lost, Jacen looked to the heavens and watched in awe as meteors landed among the traitor ranks. Out of the pods came the Omega Marines, who quickly beat the Chaos forces back. Jacen, not knowing what Space Marines looked liked, walked defiantly up to the nearest marine and challanged him over who he was.

Chaplain Claudius Perphius, only a Chaplain in training then, was impressed with the human's bravery and suggested to the Brother-Captain to have him initiated into the Chapter. Jacen was honored to be chosen to join the chapter, but then looked in horror as his home planet was obliterated by the Astartes and Navy vessels. Thus began Jacen's career as a Marine.

At first Jacen had trouble adapting to the harsh training needed to become a marine, the fact that most of the other initiates did not wlecome him, due to the fate of his home planet, did not help him feel welcome. The only friend Jacen had in this dark time was Claudius, and through him Jacen learned that no matter what his world had done, you were judged on your own actions and the Emperor would always be on your side. With his new found faith, Jacen continued on with his training and developed skill in long range marksmenship.

Jacen and his squad were attached to the 4th Company and over many years Jacenserved as the squads sniper in several theaters. No matter how many traitors and xenos Jacen killed with a bullet to the head, Jaceanis only faced distrust. As scouts around him were chosen to become full Space Marines, Jacen remained as scout. Always trying to prove him devotion to the Imperium, but never seeming able to do enough in the eyes of his betters.

Jacen's proving came on during the 13th Black Crusade. The 4th Company found itself on the trenches of the planet of Cadia, fending off a Word Bearer's Host. After 12 days of combat, the Chaos Marines made one last charge, and the Loyalist forces couldn't hold them back. As the battle lost all order and Chaos Marines, Loyalists, and Guardsmen became entangled, Jacen watched as a Chaos Champion, the leader of the traitor's main strike, slew his squad leader.

Enraged, Jacen picked up his sergeant's sword and attacked the traitor. The Champion was thrown back by Jacen's ferocious attacks, and was finally slain, but not before dealing Jaceanis a blow to the face and some grievous wounds in his sides.

The Word Bearers retreated and the Imperium had won the day due to Jacen's heroics. When Jacen awoke weeks later, he had found that he had a large scar across his eye and a large gash in his side. Chaplain Claudius then entered the room and and told Jacen that he had been chosen to become a Battle Brother. Finally Jaceanis had proven himself.

Sample RP: Jacen stumbled. His ears were ringing and darkness filled his eyes. The smoke and dust made it impossible to see anything. He could hear the screams of the dead and dying as the traitors made their last charge. An artillery shell had hit his squad's foxhole and he didn't know where his brothers were.

Hmm...Brohters....They were only that in name. They had no attachment to Jacen and he had no feelings for them. It wasn't because he was an awful person, other marines did not trust Jacen due to his home falling to Chaos. Jacen didn't understand it. Whey couldn't they see he was loyal? Why didn't they believe that there was no corruption in him? He was one of the most pious men in the 4th company, but why did they still doubt him?
Jacen shook away his thoughts. No time for that now, he needed to find his squad.

He walked through the smoke until he saw the shapes of two marines ahead of him. The Auspex identified the shorter one as his Sergeant, the second figure was unidentified, but the shilouette was clear enough. A traitor marine was fighting his squad leader.

Jacen walked forward towards the combat just as the Traitor Marine drove a sword through the scout's chest. Jaceanis stopped in his tracks, his eyes and mouth wide with shock and horror. His mouth slowly formed into a snarl and his eyes narrowed. He had to avenge his sergeant. Honor and the Emperor demanded it, and the Emperor's will would be done!

Jacen rushed forward as the Traitor's back was turned, and he grabbed his sergeants chain sword. With a yell he lunged at the Chaos Marine, who turned and barely managed to parry Jacen's blow. Jaceanis swung like a mad man, he was untrained in swordplay so he had no skill to bring forth. The Word Bearer on the other hand had centuries of experience. There was no competition.

Jacen swung at the Chaos Marine's head, but the traitor just ducked under the blow and kicked him backwards. Jacen spun and swung again, but the Chaos Champion dogded the blow and hit Jacen on the head with the flat of his sword. The traitor was playing with him.

Jacen roared and charged headlong at the Chaos Marine, but by the time he realized his mistake it was too late. The Word Bearer brought up his knee into Jaceanis' stomach, and as he bent over in pain the traitor punched Jacen in the face. As he fell backwards the traitor stabbed Jacen in the side. Jacen toppled to the ground, he had never felt such pain. He couldn't open his right eye, and his side was engulfed in pain.

The Traitor Marine strode forward and bellowed "Where is your Corpse-God now Loyalist scum? Where is your Lord? He is sitting on the damnable Golden-Throne on Terra rotting, as you and your brothers die in vain. You serve no god. You serve a corpse!"

Jacen closed his good eye. Was it true? Was the Emperor just a powerless corpse? Was everything that he had learned a lie? Had Chaplain Claudius lied to him? NO! What was he thinking? The Emperor was a God. He loved Jacen. That was what Claudius had told him, and the Chaplain was the only person who had ever shown him trust.

Jacen opened his eye and screamed "NO!"

He plunged his sword into the Traitor's chest and the Word Bearer looked down in confusion at the blade, before falling backwards dead. Jaceanis closed his eyes as the pain of his wounds finally put him into suspended animation. What was that light? Had he finally become one with the Emperor?

[Rallus Zenodius]

Welcome,

A few things need to be changed to pass selection. No worries though nothing major.

1.) The personality and physical descriptions need to be expanded.

2.) The Omega Marines are not racist. As such you would not experience bias as a scout from full battle brothers.

You write about heroics, perhaps instead have the reason for his lack of selection your penchant for heroics and rash actions.

I will waitfor Julius' view, but I think your history needs to be toned down a little. It is a little superhero in my opinion.

Good luck.

[Julius Quintus]

Sorry for not getting to this sooner. I try to review apps quickly but I was at a friends 21st birthday party last night and I didn't get in until past 4am.

Rallus has pretty much covered everything.

• You need a little more in your physical and personality descriptions, they're a little vague at the moment.
  
  
• You need to do a bit of a re-write of your sample RP. Its content and theme are OK but it seems like you were just hitting the enter key every couple of lines. You need to reorganise it into proper paragraphs and clean up the grammar and spelling a little.
  
  
• The history isn't that OTT but a little scaling back in the marksmanship department would be good. Everybody in the company seems to be the galaxys finest marksman.
  
  
• The real problem with this app is the racism theme. The Omega Marines and the Imperium as a whole are not racist. The human form is considered supreme and divine. basically everyone is to busy hating mutants and aliens to be worried about the ammount of melonin in someones skin. You won't find any racism on this site either IC or OOC.
  

A couple of minor niggles:

• Your height is to big. 8'6" is excessive even for an astartes. 7'-7'6" is about average.
  
  
• In your history your a little to old at induction. At 18 you're pretty much fully mature so you'd be unable to accept the geneseed. Space marines are usually selected between the ages of 11 and 14
  
  
• You might want to change the location of your fighting in your history. The Cadian system is on the edge of the Eye of Terror which is well outside the Omega Marines AO. We're based in the Segmentem Solar so it would take several years to reach the fighting.
  

Sort out those issues and we'll take another look at the application. Good luck with the re-write. In the mean time feel free to hang out on the OOC boards.

[Jacen Cartern]

You guys are right, racist idea not the best....

I changed it so it would be more to your liking...

@julius: Chapters from all over were sent to the Eye of Terror to stop the Black Crusades....The Ultramar system is no where near the Eye of Terror as well, but they fought there....

So it is entirly possible...

[Julius Quintus]

This is a lot better than it was, particularly in the sample RP.

I'm not sure abou the red eyes though. That might well be considered a mutation.

The only other problem is the equipment. You'll be a tactical brother so you'd have the standard marine loadout. I'm afraid the chainsword and sniper rifle will have to go in favour of a standard bolter.

Just get those couple of changes done and I'll accept you into the company.

[Jacen Cartern]

fixed it....got rid of pistol and sword

[Julius Quintus]

The sniper rifle needs to go too. they're only issued to scouts not full battle-brothers and the tactical squad already has a designated marksman (Brother Callimus).

That said the bio looks good.

Application Accepted with the rank of Battle Brother.

You'll be serving in 1st tactical squad under Sgt Agrippa. Change your screen name and sig data to match the standard setup here. Make sure your familiar with the games format and posting rules here and check the details and capabilities of your equipment here.

When you're comfortable with the rules you can start posting with the rest of us in the active mission thread here. Be sure to read the thread through fiirst so your on the same page as everyone else. Follow orders, post well and have fun.

Welcome to the Omega Marines.

PS: Please advertise us on any other forums or internet communities you're part and don't forget to post a return link to those sites in out links page.